So I had planned on writing a review about Monday night. I worked on stage for the first time at the Saloon. The new set up is uber sweet. You can’t ask for better equipment or a better set up, I mean two CDJ 1000’s and three brand new Technics turntables – get the fuck out of here, wow! The only problem is they have no lights for the DJ to be to see with. I spent way too long squinting at everything, trying to read my labels. (Boy and George told me they will fix this by next week.)
Instead of that very uninteresting write up, this post will actually be about a very interesting night.
A week or two ago, K and I are looking through the city pages finding interesting things to do. She runs across Puppetry of the Penis. She gets very excited saying how we saw some of this on HBO late night one night and how it was so funny. I remembered seeing none of this, but I like seeing live funny shows so I say go ahead and get some tickets for us.
To be honest I kind of forgot about it… Until yesterday, when she reminded me that we were going with one of her friends from work. So I say, “Oh yea… what was that thing again?”. “You remember, it’s the penis thing”…. I still don’t really remember what it was, but again I like seeing funny shows so I’m game for whatever.
Turns out the show is at the Hey City Theater, which is the theater right next to the saloon (actually it has a different name now, but I don’t remember what the name is.), . We are meeting M who is a friend of K’s from work. We all meet at Rock Bottom at 7, the doors to the show open at 8. We have a few cocktails, I have a few cocktails and a few redbulls because I am really tired, but by 8 I’m feeling much better. While at Rock Bottom I notice quite a few groups of very routy girls, but I don’t think much of it.
8 O’ Clock comes and we head across the street. We pick up our tickets but they still haven’t opened the doors yet. Everyone is kind of hanging around in the entry way or outside… this is when I really notice the crowd. I realize I am one of the only men around. I really mean I am surrounded by women. I would say out of the crowd of 250 people… 220 of them were women and of the 30 men at least 15 were gay. Now this isn’t a bad thing, but I’m thinking it’s a bit weird. At this point I come clean, I spill the beans about how I don’t remember watching the HBO thing on this and I have really no idea about what we are about to see. K and M start laughing. “It’s two guys who play with there penises… but it’s really funny!” Hmmmm….
We go in, show starts. There is an opening comedian. To me she was just kind of funny, but she really knew her audience. All the women in the crowd loved her, they were dying laughing. Once the crowd was warmed up the main show started.
The two men who star in the show are very good. They reminded me a lot of a ren-fest act. Very polished, well rehearsed, similar humor except these guys are totally naked the whole time. I recommend the show to anyone who doesn’t mind looking at two naked men make stupid puppets out of their penises for a hour and a half. They had my stomach hurting from laughing at times….. Then they got to the crowd participation part.
They were looking out in the audience and pointed out a guy about ten seats down from me. They told him to come up on stage… then they pointed at me. The guy down the isle was obviously feeling very shy… shit so was I for that matter. Nether one of us were wanting to go up, but of course they get the crowd cheering so I said fuck it and stood up, the other guy chumps out and doesn’t. I have been known to be brave at times in my life and this is one of them, so I go up to the stage with massive cheers going all around me.
I get up on stage thinking this will be like a ren-fest act, they will get me to do a couple of stupid things,everyone will laugh and then I’ll go back to my seat…(They had done something similar to a girl earlier who was celebrating her birthday.) Nope.. I get up there and the two naked guys tell me to turn my back to the audience… no problem, I do… then they ask me to drop my pants. (now we have a problem.) I lean over to one of the guys “I don’t wear any underwear” I tell him.. “even better” he says – “Do it, drop ‘em” Then he gets on the mic and tells everyone that I don’t wear underwear and I’m scared to drop my pants. *crowd goes nuts* (Oh shit…) So… I drop by pants.
I am wearing a fairly large shirt that hangs down below my butt, so I’m thinking; hey this ain’t so bad… then they tell me to hold up my shirt… oh fuck. Now as a side note to all the guys in the crowd; You know how your penis tends to shrink in cold water… well let me tell you being in front of 250 people with your pants around your ankles can have an amazingly similar effect – it’s like dropping a turtle into a ice cold pool filled with great white sharks – that fucker gets scared… and now I have to hold up my shirt.
When the two guys started the show they pulled, twisted and swung around their dicks to warm them up. (that doesn’t sound as funny as it really was.) They had me doing the same thing. So I’m swinging, twisting, and pulling my dick on stage (remember my back is to the crowd {from the reports I later received, people were almost peeing their pants laughing by this point.}) The turtle isn’t so scared anymore. Then they went through the steps of doing a dick trick called “the hamburger”. They tell me to; “Place thumb here… pull scrotum there… stretch.. turn… twist… and now.. turned around!” So I turn around…*The crowd goes wild*
Yes that’s right, 250 people saw both my frank and my beans tonight… and I can now do “the Hamburger.” Now that is something you can’t say you do every day.
